After months of merry making and living life, the bright sun makes my eyes cringe... the clean air filling my lungs, beautiful months filled with self assurance. Where nothing is expected, there are no desires its pure and simple living. Often one wonders life which is self centric is it worth living should it not be shared and talked about with others who have the same experiences.
When the days are spent and there are no unfilled dreams when the contentment has reached its fill; and there is no more room for it the painful process of emptying the vessel begins. Every time when your satiation is at its peak one must seek new non achievable challenges, one must raise the bar of pain, failure and disappointment, take a chance, being aware about the probability of complete loss.
Why must You play this game, why is contentment not enough; you desire the forbidden, its the need to self destruct, the need to self doubt, the need to deprive thyself the true happiness because on some deep sub conscious level you feel one is not worthy of life so simple, elegant and peaceful.
The drama, the theatrics, the pathos and the melancholic air of it all makes my comfort zone.The darkness, solitude, anxiety, fear, loss, loneliness, is all to familiar, the silence, the shutting down, the disappointment are my true self reflections.
People come and people go, my sense of loss only grows with time too much sunshine has made me cynical, the clean fresh air stifles me. its like my air supply has been tampered with; I seek my all to familiar fog of doubt, distrust, deception, disappointments where is the smog, the polluted air that I am addicted to, the air which is multiplying like a virus that will kill me finally ... the process is slow and painful I await for it , the day will come when I am done with this vessel I wish this life is the end of it all. My final sleep am sure the nightmares will never leave me, but then there is a guarantee of never waking up ... oh my eternal dark sleep I await you. ...... we belong together and still you don't come to me I am your true companion once we are together you will know how beautiful darkness is ...
