Mr. R.

The first time I saw Mr. R was in 89' in a small narrow gully playing cricket with the local boys. The ray ban glasses, woodland shoes, and Levi jeans he was all dressed up for the cricket. I saw him from the corner of my eyes and was instantly charmed by his mannerism. The first thought that came to my mind was ... he looks so comfortable yet out of place..playing gully cricket with these dirty kids from the roadside. Next day when I went to school there he was the same guy dressed in dark blue trousers, light blue shirt and a dark blue tie with golden stripes on it (that being the school uniform), black shoes well polished and that grin how can I ever forget that grin which said "I know the effect I am having on you and I kind of like it"
He was in 12th standard and I was a standard 8th student. If I looked across the veranda I would get the clear view of his class room, every now and then I would take a look in the hope catching a glimpse of that tall profile.
The school bell rang and it was interval as I was coming down the staircase he comes up to me and says “hi”, like a typical school girl who had never ever been greeted by some one so good looking I stared back at him, and he says “hello I am R” and waits for a while, I make a feeble effort to introduce myself... he smiles and says “I know who you are sandy”.

Every day I would get all decked up for my school and anxious to meet my friend Mister R. Days turned into months and months into years, 11 years to be precise since I saw him playing cricket. My first ever best friend, my pal, my yes man(he would spoil me silly by saying yes to anything I said irrespective of its complete lack of logic and relevance), we would tell my father that I am going to get his smokes and would ride on his bike to Lucknow (90kms) from where I use to live, would come back home after a 2 hours ride with the smokes, a beer in my tummy and smell of wind in my hair. Once he finished his college he moved out and started some business of his own, I too was destined to travel for education, work and more. We would talk on the phone every now and then, we had become different people with individualistic values over a period of time. He would call me and would try to keep in touch, I would not return the calls thinking its not the same Mr. R, our differences would stop me from connecting to him, life had changed him, made him bitter and cynical, he was holding on to the past and I was too busy with the my future; my friend was calling me and I just turned a deaf ear.

Then one evening as I was doing dishes after a hearty meal with my friends, the phone rang...“hello sandy you remember Mister R.?" I replied "yea what about him?" " he is dead”…. I mumbled "Our Mister R.?” “Yes ours”…. that was November 13th 2000, he had met with an accident on 12th November... My childhood friend was gone the only man who would call me "chotu" and I would not mind was gone forever so many thoughts crossed my mind, I would trade anything to go back to those days of bike rides , teasing girls and boys, would love to have some one as good looking and trust worthy as him tailing my rickshaw, someone who knew me from my frock days till date, it would have been wonderful to have you here with me today Mister R. would have been fun sharing my adulthood experiences with you.
I Miss you and hope that when we meet again we can pick up from where we left… until then you are remembered everyday…!!!

Night Clubbin

Ten years ago when she was trying to convince him that the 16 years age gap does not matter when two people who know what they want are in love he related an incident to her and she thought to herself; how can some one as evolved as him could even bother about something as petty as 16 yrs age gap.

The incident that he related was about night clubbing in Delhi in the year98' he then in his mid thirties was invited by twenty something girl to join her for a night out of clubbing and pubbing. The night turned into early dawn and by the time they drove back home he was exhausted, tired and very disappointed. He told me it was nothing of the sorts he expected it to be , the club was full of young people, there was loud music, lots of smoke, and some how he could not relate to the music, the people, the trend, the way night was passing by everyone, he knew he was out of place.

When he was relating this story to her she thought to her self how can anyone feel out of place in a night club, after all the idea of pubs and clubs is to go there and spend the lonely hours among people and then when you have had your fill of good alcohol, music, people, dancing and all the noise; you come back home and sleep it off.

On a warm evening of March08' as she was sitting in the taxi heading back home she remembered this incident and her friend, after a 40 minutes visit to a night club. She understood what it felt like to be out of place in a night club which was not full of people but was filling up with the young crowd of 20 something, the music was loud with lots of beat and she did try to shake a leg but some how the rhythm was evading her, the alcohol also was not tasting right. Next morning she called up her friend and told hey I too have arrived in the genre of getting there types the thirties have started reflecting on my taste of music, people, places, food, partying, everything has a essence of new me of thirty something.

On second thoughts may be the nightclubs are still doing the same thing but its the thirty some thing people who have different perspective to it, the way one enjoys hip grinding music in their teen and twenties is a lot different when you hear the same kind of music in your thirties. You want music that will automatically move your body, lyrics that will bring back the nostalgia of listening to that track for the first time and subtle rhythm that will sway your body in a graceful manner, no wonder todays nightclub makes us feel out of place.

Maybe someday there will be night clubs and pubs where thirty something singles, wanna be singles, not single but keen to mingle kinds can get together, dance to the tunes they can relate to and enjoy the nightclubbing as it should be by all, irrespective of their age and lifestyles.

Frandships n more ....

Sunscreen song from Baz Luhrman talks about life, the lyrics hit home every time it plays. As one goes through the process of life we come across so many individuals, every body has a role to play. Sometimes it’s hard to connect with the current surroundings. As a child all we do is wait to turn into adults and sometimes the transition is very subtle at times its very abrupt.
When does one starts taking a call and being responsible for their actions. Planning a trip abroad, investments, deciding on buying a car, a house, taking decisions, so on n so forth. There is no end to it... I guess. I remember the first official decision I ever took was to go abroad for my "further" studies and once I boarded the plane I just wanted to get off that plane and run back to mommy & daddy, its then I realized that now am responsible for my decisions; too much effort, money and hope has been invested and there is no turning back for me.

Sometimes when we feel disconnected with the present, it’s the past that reaches out to us and helps us get reacquainted with our roots, or give us a sense of direction. It’s always nice to know that there are still a handful of people who were there when one started dreaming, planning, and was getting all excited about the life ahead. Somehow these people connect with us at a very grass root level, a level which is still very raw, and "U".

I always used to think how would it feel to have friends for years together; most of my childhood was spent shifting schools, home, places thanks to my parent’s choice of profession. I enjoyed moving around to newer places, meeting different people, understanding new culture... literally speaking "Ghat ghat ka paani piya hua hai" and what lovely ghats. Anyway coming back to the point I never really did think I would be around the same set of friends for long.

For a person who has lived a childhood full of social activity in the state of Uttar Pradesh, living in a metropolitan city does take its toll. Last two months had been full of erratic feelings, sometimes emptiness, at times extreme joy, mostly very disconnected and disjointed existence, I felt as if I am reaching the edge of Nowhere.
Then one day in the middle of the dull boring afternoon, I get a call from a friend and one is reconnected with their self, their past, all of a sudden Iwas buzzing with life. A phone call away was my existence, it tells me where i am heading and what do I have to work for... I am going home to my roots, I am going to lie under the starlit sky, think of "waglae ki duniya", with a bonfire around me, lots of night noise, or it could be warm afternoons, spreads of freshly washed grain all around, the familiar smell of wet earth, listen to radio, and enjoy the long power cuts and careless bantering under the big Neem tree with frands I love, I miss and want to share my existence with.

Control freak!

Finally life was going the way she expected it to. It seemed like an eternity to wait for things to fall into places in the same order as she had wanted them. There was calm routine about everything , work was good and used to keep her occupied in the most pleasant manner, friends were there with a new understanding of the work pressures and acknowledging the need to be with each other, socializing was also in just about the right doses.

Every weekend she would look forward to cooking a great meal, spending a lazy afternoon with a book, some music, and may be an evening out for drinks, careless bantering... she was soaking up the essence of her existence... carefree, fearless, passionate, focused, ready to explore all those interests which she had been mentioning as hobbies and never got time to really get acquainted with. She was happy, life was not very adventurous but there was a strange calm and a peace within her, it had been a while since she felt this way. Finally she thought to herself I have control over my impulsive nature, I have learnt the art of controlling my self and my surroundings and now nothing can sway me away from this new found control over my self.
But as they say there is always a deathly calm before the storm. She wonders about that evening when she thought it was just the kind of adventure she needed.

The adventure it self was fun and very pleasant but now it would not leave her. Whenever she was alone the thoughts would just barge in and disrupt a quiet evening which she had been looking forward to or was planning on having. It had been a while since anyone disrupted her calm and peaceful evenings; quiet moments where she would just soak up in her present. Now it was all gone.... there was no time left for her, all her free moments were the most exhaustive ones which left her wondering about all that could be, or what she feels about how it should be... there is no control over memories, thoughts and desires. They have taken over completely what she had created all her life, in just one evening.... now the memories of that evening control her.... she always did havea strong bond with CONTROL, now its was her turn to get controlled...

Zindagi mazak nahin karti janeeman...

How true... or is it?

I knew from the very early stages of my consciousness that i don't agree with working of this world. May be I just knew that I am going to be a misfit in the way people expect me to be. Being the youngest in the family and a daddy's girl no one would dare take pangas with me. Living in a small town of Uttar Pradesh (a state in India) life was fun, exciting and carefree.

Most of my childhood memories are of a small district called Jalaun, and the name of the place is Konch. My parents were posted there as a couple for a Govt. Hospital, dad a surgeon and mother as a gynecologists.

In the rural of India even today doctors & teachers are respected and get to enjoy a very privileged existence.
The place was more like a village- town and needless to say there were not many good schools where one could go , so my elder sister was put in the boarding and since I was too stubborn to be let out of constant supervision of my parents at least for the time being (after few yrs I did end up joining my sister in the boarding school) it was then decided my education will continue in KONCH.

The school in which i was put was called "Tagore animal school" they misprinted memorial with animal i guess ... the mazak on my existence had started or may be for all practical purpose its no joking matter at least not for me. From there on I changed many schools, colleges, institutes etc but its the Tagore animal school where my educational foundation was laid. (After Tagore animal school, there was Emma Thompson, Scared heart, Govt. girls inter college, Alexander college, Hindu kanya pathshala, Welingkars and so on...)

To me it was not a big deal so they mis-spelt the name, it was still a school, we had a principal, and a couple of teachers too, and I remember having annual day functions where in one of the school plays I even danced with diyas and burnt my hair.... little did I know at that time that my life will be full of experiences where there will misspell names, misunderstood lessons and every thing that’s just a little off the right tangent.

It was much later I realized that all these "misfits" which seem funny till date when mentioned have actually carved the path for me on which i walk alone. Life has dealt me a good deal and I am very blessed to have received all i asked for, some times u make a wish without realizing that if it comes true what would u do.... all my wishes have come true in a very weird manner & I know that some one is listening to my prayers and granting them.
I know that sometimes what u ask for is not something u really want and I know I will be asking more as I live and seeking more experiences be it good or bad, mistakes which look and sound funny will teach me a life's lesson cause i know that zindagi Mazak nahin Karti zaneeman....... woh humsae har chance par dance karati hai.!